jean_bee (jean_bee) wrote,

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I've been doing a lot  of thinking about my life and you know what ? I use to be a cool chick. I had a great job, a cute boy to flirt with, and a social life. Now, nothing. School took up ALL my time and I had no social life what so ever. I missed my friends, they don't even ask me to go anywhere because they know I couldn't. I stopped writing. I have a shitload of fic that needs to be finished and rewritten. I stopped caring about what I looked like.  I just wasn't happy.

So, when I found out that I didn't pass one of my classes, I was relieved. I wasn't upset at all. This pass semester was HELL, sheer and utter HELL. The whole semester I was wondering if I even belonged in the program. The answer was no, but I was too scared to leave.
Interior design is what I want to do with my life, but this program isn't the one for me. I'm too outside the box, which is the story of my life.

What now? I'm looking into on-line schools and that is the route I feel is best for me. I'm looking for a job. I couldn't have one because I was in class all day. I'm going to start taking WAY better care of myself. My mood has been so down in the dumps, so up and down, and this isn't me. I going to start working out again. I miss it, I know it sounds crazy, but it helps with my mood A LOT. I also need to get my social life back.  I went to a MAC cosmetics event earlier  this month and it was so nice to interact with people! I know that sounds weird, but the
only people I talk to are the ones at school and so often we are too busy to really talk to each other. I want my life back. I want be that cool chick again. I wanna stop feeling so damn crappy all the time.

I'm sorry for my rant, but I just needed to get it off my chest. I'm going to work on some fic and then go lust after my new crush ZQ even though I don't think he plays for my team in his Spock costume.

Thanks for listening,
Tags: rants

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